If you assume the conjecture that attempts to reject Fermi's Paradox by saying that Earth and its advanced, eukaryotic, multicellular life is rare, if not unique to the universe, than a lot more is riding on humanity besides just itself. While the other advanced predators of the planet would get on just fine without us, it is hard to deny that human beings are the guardians of novelty in this neck of the galaxy. And I don't know about you, but I dig new stuff.
My point is, our reality is chock full of existential threats. Observed phenomenon that would wipe us out completely. Also known as extinction-level events, they are what ultimately decided that dinosaurs did not retain biological dominance on the planet. While you may think that we humans are better equipped to deal with such existential threats than T. Rex and co were, unfortunately, you've likely watched Armaggeddon too many times. We don't currently have an effective way of dealing with this. In fact, our methods of detecting these suckers don't have enough resources devoted to it to catch everything.
Don't even get me started on environmental issues, a pervasive, resistant pandemic, or thermonuclear apocalypse.
So what am I getting at? We need to prepare ourselves to make sure such phenomenon don't hit the reset button on the knowledge base of our civilization. Fortunately, there are already some resources out there for you to get a head start. There are training simulations, instructional videos, and fashionable accessories.
Here's what we're going to need, heading into this new, intellectual level that fortune continues to help us make down payments on, here's (some of) what we're going to need if we're going to make it past the boss battle.
- Radiation resistant DNA. You can actually do better than cockroaches.
- Better skin for unshielded space habitats. Will infinitely cut down on the need for moisturizer.
- Skeletons unaffected by bone loss due to low gravity. I guess it is hard to lose what you don't actually have.
- Anti-nanoparticle defenses. Nothing's worse than getting chumped by a nanoswarm. Even worse than campers.
- Skull guns. This is non-negotiable. The bad-assness alone should be sufficient to ward off hostile xenoforms.
Because, you know, we need to take to the stars. Obviously.
Alright, you have your mission parameters. Get to work!
Pic courtesy of us!
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