I've always had a hard relationship with driving cars. And oddly, in the first two years or so driving, I really enjoyed doing it. Probably too much; while some youth get into gangs, or booze, or what have you, my crew's vice was doing irresponsible things while driving (no one ever got hurt, nor was anything really damaged, btw). Now, I've never gotten into a moving accident while I was behind the wheel (though I have been struck, albeit softly, by a car while I was walking. Knocked me on the ground too).
Then I went to school, and my need to be behind the wheel dropped dramatically. It has been many years (some, like the first six months or so we spent in Oakland, had me driving almost not at all) since then, but in the interrum, it is hard not to come to grips with the fact that I had gotten worse at it.
It occurred to me once that of all the things middle aged people do, driving is one they may put the most time into. And this doesn't somehow translate to an increased level of expertise. I suspect I know why now; if you can maintain a reasonable level of safety (nobody gets hurt as a result of you driving), there's nothing that forces you out of your bad habits. I find myself in a similar situation now.
How does this relate to my current theme, though? Well, I'll take a step back and reference some time I spent playing Prototype with my brothers a couple of weeks ago. Which I enjoyed, it seemed like a good game for the 25 minutes or so I tried it. It always bugs me when innocents are harmed as a result of my actions in video games (maybe that's why I never really got into GTA that much), and in the opening scene of that video game, there's a fair amount of collateral damage. Any superhero worth their salt had better keep the safety of innocents as paramount. The GSG-9 reminded me of as much last week, and they're just pretty normal highly trained anti-terrorist paramilitary dudes.
Yet somehow, I find myself driving the most aggressively against pedestrians. Now, I'll share something I find kind of odd about the Steel City with you; more than any other place I've been, people jaywalk here like crazy. I know from chatting with others that in some places, police ticket this behavior with a relish (I'm looking at you, Seattle). That's not the case here. Many (but not all) dangerous moments involve someone crossing against the light in front of me, or trying to get across a busy road far from (or sometimes irritatingly close but not quite at) crosswalks.
And none of that should matter. A rational person doesn't double down on someone else doing something dangerous by matching it with reckless action of their own. They sure as hell don't get angry about it, or let that be a motivating factor in their decision making. I look both ways, left twice, when walking. No reason I shouldn't be just as careful while operating a dangerous piece of exploding machinery. Come to think of it, that likely means I should be more cautious.
So despite the fact that I've still been getting behind the wheel almost every day for a long time, it is going to take something more than just repetition to change the way I do it. Even the fact that I curse under my breath at drivers who do what I've done (keep driving past someone trying to cross in the middle of the street, instead of stopping to wait) doesn't seem to be enough. So here's to having this bit of writing be a start, to remind me that there's not a damn place in the world I have to get to so quickly that needs me to add more risk to someone else's risky actions. I can't control their behavior, but I can be the bigger, safer, better person about it.
Pic courtesy wikipedia
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